VANGUARD
By Bunmi Sofola
The average man thinks he’s great in bed, doesn’t he?” Only a few days ago, while chatting with some young lively and adventurous women, one of them complained that, ‘Some men’s between the sheets activities could be quite frustrating. It’s not that they lack enthusiasm, the problem is their technique – they scarcely have any. Foreplay is clumsy and hurried. And as for the sex, it’s all wham, bam, was that it?”
It was by a stroke of luck that I recently got hold of ‘How To Be A great Lover’ by Lou Pajet and this week, I intend to share his “Key to fabulous sex,” which he agrees is foreplay. This might turn a fumbling lover into a sex machine! Take kissing for instance, a common mistake men make, according to Lou, is thinking that the things they enjoy will be pleasurable for their partners too…. “The man who doesn’t like a tongue in his ear is rare,” Lou observes. “But the woman who does like it is rare still. For most women, the “melt zone is the neck. They go gaga when kissed there. If you have other melt zones, let your lover be aware of this. Ask for his too!!
Sex toys: “The job of a sex toy is to enhance, not take over,” Lou explained…. “Even if you’ve not used toys before, they can add sparks to your sex life.”
But what if your man feels threatened by the “stiff competition?” “Men should think of a vibrator as being like the TV remote control. They can take charge if you want them to,” said Lou. Luckily, sex toys now abound in novelty stores all over the place – make the most of them!
Finding the G-Spot (No, G-spot is not a type of acne cream!) The G-Spot is located inside the vaginal entrance, above the public hone in the front wall, Lou stated. “If he imagines your vagina entrance as a clock, the G-spot is typically at noon. In order to “Hit the spot, the man should use his middle finger in a circular motion. Another tip is for him to press gently on top of the vagina with his other hand. This will increase a woman’s pleasure.” Lou pointed out that it is not just men who need to rethink their technique … Women should be willing to expand their bedroom skills too by first learning how to stimulate their men by hand …. It’s an easy skill to master,” he insisted.
For practice, a man needs to raise his two middle fingers in the air. Then his partner should grasp the base of his fingers, with her thumb facing down.
Next, she has to move her hand up, twisting as if opening a jar, then back down again. Another tip is for a woman to wrap a bead-necklace round her hand or her partner’s penis before beginning manual stimulation. He will love the different texture.
Lou’s top tips for couples: Kiss each other all over. So that your partner knows exactly how much suction or pressure you prefer on a specific area, demonstrate on their finger or tongue. Get filthy with food. Buy your partner’s favourite food and then serve it somewhere you wouldn’t normally if you get the drift! List three areas of your body you want attended to most. Don’t make your partner guess what turns you on. Indicate where and how you want to be touched. Buy a sex book and highlight your preferences. Use pink highlights for you, blue for him. Then throw down the book on the bed. Do what it says on the first page that falls open!
Lou’s top bedroom tips for him: Make sure you’re clean – and shave!
Beard stubble feels like sandpaper. Don’t pinch her nipples. Most women simply don’t like it. When a woman says ‘that’s it,’ she means just that. She doesn’t mean do it harder. Follow her lead. Women often touch where they want to be touched. The pressure she uses indicates how firm or fight she’d like your touch to be. Slow it down. Teasing is very sexy.
Bedroom tips for her: Don’t go to the action spot first, make him wait!
Men are visual creatures. Consider asking him if he’d like to watch you. Suck on a mint before pleasuring him. It provides a tingling sensation many men love. Most men; ‘like to be touched more firmly than women. Try scratching in a wavy motion down the inside of his arms, thighs or neck. Obviously, be more gentle with his genitals. Trim his pubic hair as part of your foreplay.
I decided to share Lou’s recommendations with you readers based on most of the feed-backs I always get. It is unbelievable the amount of ignorance readers exhibit on sex. Sex is a natural part of a relationship – not a dirty grope that has to be done in the dark! “I was a bit put out to be described as dull in the sack,” confessed Jerome before I gave him a copy of the tips. “I always thought I was a pretty good lover. But now I realize what a lot I have to learn, especially about foreplay. With a little more practice, I might just be the stud my girl fantasises about!”
Tips given here are just guidelines. What you do in the privacy of your room with your loved ones should be from your heart and you should never be ashamed of the body God gave you. You can’t change the structure of your body but you can improve on it to be confident in the bedroom. No one is too old to learn of the heights of ecstasy the right technique can take you!
Revenge Affair? Don’t Even Think About It!
Some men may be in affairs because they feel trapped by the responsibility of running a home, or paying school fees. A lot of men are not emotionally- mature enough to cope and escape from what they see as this ‘burden’ into a carefree, illicit romance. For other men, an affair is more a romance of change and opportunity, a business trip or the fact that his wife’s away from home. Carol Botwin, in her book, on Male Infidelity, also notes that: “Yet, most women, confronted by the traditional warning sign of someone constantly hanging up on the phone – a great way women know deep down that their men are being unfaithful – don’t admit it. Women have a strong intuition, good instinct – if we’re really anxious about our spouses, very often, there’s a good reason. But often times, we ignore not only our gut feelings, but a tangible evidence like losing his wedding ring or the fact that a man whose personal grooming regime was at best tolerable was now a resemblance of a sleek actor’s, advertising the latest after-shave.”
Continued Botwin: “Short of actually catching our loved one red-handed, most of us women have an incredible facility for bunkering out the signals. There are even wives and girlfriends who have been known to turn a blind eye to soiled sheets or the discovery of someone else’s knickers stuffed under the passenger seat of the family car.” But why do we just decide to plaster on a grin and bear such painful, outrageous discoveries? “Acknowledging the truth is frightening,” admits the author. “It is threatening. A woman in this position is afraid of shaking up the relationship. She thinks if she says something, maybe he’ll leave her for the other woman. Not knowing that if you want it to stop, you have to confront him, because otherwise, you become a party to the affair. It’s like being an accessory to the crime. If you ignore the signs, then after that point, there is collusion, a tacit approval on your part. You are condoning the fact that he is sleeping with another woman,” Pretending the problem doesn’t exist is not going to make it go away.
THIS ARTICLE FIRST APPEARED IN VANGUARD
