CHUKWUNETA OBY FROM PUNCH
I received this message from a lady recently.
‘’When I met my boyfriend, he was sharing accommodation with a few other guys. Each person shared a room with one other person but the toilet, bathroom and kitchen belonged to all of them.
So, each time he invited me over, I would suggest we find an affordable hotel around his area to spend the night, as I didn’t see myself using the toilet and bathroom that all of them in that house were using.
There were about six of them.
His argument was that his roommate could always sleep out or sleep in the sitting room when we needed privacy.
Fast forward to three years later…he now has his own accommodation and his career is doing well.
Recently, he brought up this same thing, accusing me of not standing by him in his days of little beginning.
Honestly, I am shocked that this is how he saw things. And that is why I am seeking your views on the matter.
Did I do wrong by putting my health and privacy first?
I often looked out for hotels that we both could afford each time he wanted me around.
My only condition was that I wouldn’t spend the night in his crowded place because I wouldn’t be able to use a toilet that was shared by that number of people.
Did I do anything wrong?
If this is how he understood the issue, is there any need to go ahead with the relationship?’’
From Oby…
There’s something you need to understand about people who have made up their minds to NOT continue on a course with you but don’t have the courage to say so.
They can easily find reasons to make you a bad person.
As much as possible and no matter how lonely it gets, don’t get involved with someone who is unable to let go of a past.
If they are incapable of handling issues right there and then, and moving on, you have an unforgiving person in your hands.
You have a vindictive individual in your hands. And that’s a petty soul right before you.
Would you rather deal with that side of anybody in marriage?
I know you are probably looking at your emotional investments in the relationship but it’s nothing compared to a marriage that these undesirables portend.
Personally, once someone starts taking me back to issues that we supposedly moved on from, I know that I have overstayed my welcome in their space.
If he sees a future with you, he is more eager to look ahead and not in the past.
Do you see people who can go into the past to dig up an issue that is NO LONGER relevant?
They are very frustrating to live with…there’s always somewhere and somehow you did them wrong. And it’s their version of the incident that will always colour the reality. Not even your explanation or apology.
