NEWSWEEK
A couple who live together but keep separate bedrooms have sparked a debate online after sharing a video of their arrangement.
The clip, posted to TikTok by Allison (@the_hottest_allison), has gone viral for offering a glimpse into the couple’s home setup. Since being shared on September 29, it has received 2.6 million likes and over 9,100 comments.
“Me and my boyfriend live together, but have separate bedrooms,” she captioned the video. “It’s better this way, trust.”
Allison further clarified in the comments section that while the couple have their own rooms, they still sleep together in Allison’s bed.
Newsweek reached out to @the_hottest_allison for comment via TikTok.
Many people in the comments section had strong opinions over whether this unconventional arrangement was healthy for relationships or not.
Can Separate Bedrooms Affect Relationships?
Licensed psychotherapist Renée Zavislak spoke to Newsweek about the benefits and drawbacks of choosing separate bedrooms. She said that while it might seem counterintuitive, the arrangement can help maintain long-term monogamous relationships.
“For some couples, it’s a brilliant way to keep sexual attraction alive. The primary challenge to maintaining passion is overfamiliarity. Passion is sustained by tension—a little bit of mystery, a little bit of not knowing,” Zavislak said. “For many couples, separate bedrooms can be the critical step in maintaining that fire.
But she also warned about potential downsides, particularly the risk of losing emotional intimacy.
“Oxytocin, the attachment hormone, is generated by physical closeness. For couples who aren’t otherwise likely to touch each other frequently, bed may be the only place where oxytocin is generated,” Zavislak said. “Once the oxytocin between a couple wanes, so does their bond.”
She added: “Similarly, for many busy couples, bedtime pillow talk is the time when they connect in conversation.”
Zavislak emphasized that couples who sleep apart must find ways to replace physical closeness and bedtime conversations with quality interactions during the day.
But ultimately, she believes that separate bedrooms can work for many people as long as they are intentional about maintaining intimacy and connection in other ways.
What Did Social Media Users Say?
Some TikTok users praised the couple’s choice, highlighting the importance of personal space in a relationship.
“People need [to] realize some people need their own space. Y’all live in the same house, if you guys wanna have a sleepover in one another’s rooms, you can,” one TikToker wrote.
“This is so healthy actually, because y’all have your own spaces of your style and y’all don’t have to be together like every second, and give each other some space,” another said.
A third user said they also slept apart, writing: “Same! 20yr relationship, separate rooms for 19. We love it.”
But many others were not on board with the idea and remained skeptical.
“That’s your roommate, boo. Me and my husband have separate offices with our own style, but still share our main room to sleep. We use our office as a workplace and gaming studio,” one wrote.
“I’ve accepted that I will never understand this, and that’s okay,” a second user posted.
And a third wrote of their partner: “I personally can’t sleep without him.”
