FOX NEWS
Yes. Happy, happy, happy Thursday everyone! Oh, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Put your clothes back on. So the fallout from the train derailment in East Palestine, Ohio, is just getting started and like Joy Behar’s face, it’s looking worse and worse by the day. It’s shaping up to be a classic Biden era disaster, toxic, preventable and completely off the rails. Although in that family, a controlled burn is what Hunter feels when he pees.
Town hall there erupted as citizens vented their anger about their health concerns over the handling of the derailed toxic train, which had the media asking really important questions like, why aren’t they wearing masks? Did they get their boosters? Even their mayor was ripping into the train company like Ana Navarro into a bag of Mallomars. Roll it.
MAYOR TRENT CONAWAY: Everybody’s concerned. I’m concerned.
REPORTER: When is the last time you spoke with Norfolk Southern?
MAYOR TRENT CONAWAY: I speak with them every day… They’ve been working with us tremendously, but they should, because they’re the ones who screwed this up.
RESIDENT 1: No one knocked on my door and I live 50 feet from the police station. Why didn’t sirens go off?
RESIDENT 2: I went down to 170, and I took a breath of that **** into my lungs and I thought I was going to die.
RESIDENT 3: Why are people getting sick if there is nothing in the air or in the water?
UNKNOWN VOICE: I don’t know what to do about providing further assurance or…
RESIDENT 4: Stop lying to us!
So where’s our top leaders in all this? Well, President Biden spoke about railroad projects in Ohio on Wednesday but ignored the situation in Ohio. What a mistake, that’s like him giving a speech on Alzheimer’s while not wearing any pants. Meanwhile, we know Transportation Secretary Mayor Pete has been slow to react, but who knows, he’s still grappling with postpartum depression. This guy is as useless as **** Rachel Levine
He didn’t show up despite being invited by Ohio Congressman Bill Johnson. Maybe he was boycotting roads since they were built by white construction workers, but he did tweet about it, of course, blaming Trump, conveniently forgetting he’s been secretary of transportation since 2021. Something the rest of us wish we could do, too. Seriously, this guy is the most famous transportation secretary ever. And why? Because he sucks harder than Brian Stelter on a duck fat Slurpee.
Which brings me to tonight’s thought experiment. No, keep your clothes on audience for now, anyway, because it’s time to play.
ANNOUNCER: Greg’s Reverse or Opposite Parallel whatever Universe Day.
Doesn’t even try anymore. So what if all this were happening under a Republican administration? How would the media react? Roll it, Sven.
