For non-performing wives only

THE SUN

All the members of the household were gathered in the living room. Some were sitting. Some stood. But everybody was talking at the same time. Ruckus. Confusion. Tension.

Hauwa, Alhaji’s second wife stood beside her packed, neatly arranged luggage. She was determined to go, yes. She was determined to leave that compound and Alhaji’s home that day. The other two wives, Bimbola and Khadijat looked like they were going to explode with joy at Hauwa’s decision. They struggled to rein in their excitement.

‘Finally we will have our husband back.’ Khadija whispered to Bimbo, the youngest wife.

‘Yes o, let her just go. I don’t understand all this drama.’

‘If a woman is tired of her marriage, she has a right to go back to her father’s house, or wherever she came from.’ Bimbo’s murmur was too loud and Alhaji pounced.

‘Keep quiet there! You are all my wives and you all have equal rights.’ Alhaji roared.

‘Well, Maigida, Hauwa wants to leave, let her go now. I don’t even know why you are angry with me.’ Bimbo retorted, moving a few steps away from Alhaji. The man looked livid enough to throw a punch.

‘Alhaji, you cannot hold her here against her will. I’m sure there is a law somewhere that says you can’t do that.” Khadija threw in another annoying line. It successfully riled up Alhaji.

‘Madam charge-and-bail lawyer, maybe you should call the police to arrest me for trying to stop my own wife from leaving my own house. Or is this your house? Because you are attending an evening school, you think you can look me in the eye and lecture me?

Alhaja Agba, Alhaji’s mother and the family matriarch, finally spoke up.

‘Kabir, I don’t understand why you won’t let this woman go. She said she wants to leave. Nobody has thrown her things out. She is the one who packed her bags and said she is leaving. Let her leave.’

‘Even you Mama? Neither Kabir nor Hauwa could believe their ears. The old woman never took sides, never openly.

The gateman had his ears close to the windows as he pretended to be cleaning them from outside. The house-help too was going in and out pretending to be busy. Everybody was interested in the Hauwa-must-go drama.

Why did Hauwa want to go? Why was nobody, except her husband, begging her to stay, not to leave her matrimonial home? Alhaja Agba was going to open the pot of yam on the fire to check every slice, as the Yorubas say.

‘Why won’t you let her go? Why exactly do you want to keep Hauwa here by force? You know as we all do that she is the most troublesome of your three wives.’

The housekeeper coughed and dashed into the kitchen.

‘She cannot cook. She is rude and treats everybody with disdain, like we are all beneath her.’

‘Oh oh, thank you Alhaja.’ Bimbo and Khadija chorused

The gateman tapped the window with his long broom as if he was trying to clear cobwebs.

‘Will you all shaaraap? Did I ask for your contribution?

So, Alhaja continued.

‘What exactly has Hauwa brought into this family? If she carries out her threat to leave today, what will this household miss, her cooking or her patience, her kindness or hospitality? She is yet to even have a child! I don’t know what you are begging her to stay for. She has not added any value. She fights with everybody, gateman or guest. She is just cantankerous, that one. Let her go if she wants to.’

Hauwa definitely was not anybody’s favourite person in that household but her husband would not let her go. Why? I do not know many men who will hold on tightly to a woman who is rude, can’t cook and does not have a child, especially if the woman is the one who decided to pack her bags. Most men would heave a sigh of relief and thank the Almighty for rescuing them so effortlessly and mercifully. So, what is the catch? What is Hauwa’s hold on Alhaji? What does Hauwa have that the other two wives lack?

Alhaji soon put everybody out of their misery, after chasing the domestic staff away, of course.

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