PUNCH
By now, you must have heard the fascinating tale, “How they catch monkeys in Brazil,” as graphically captured in James Hadley Chase’s “The Paw In The Bottle.”
“…They put a nut in a bottle, and tie the bottle to a tree. The monkey grasps the nut, but the neck of the bottle is too narrow for the monkey to withdraw its paw and the nut. You would think the monkey would let go of the nut and escape, wouldn’t you? But it never does. It is so greedy it never releases the nut and is always captured. Remember that story, Julie. Greed is a dangerous thing. If you give way to it, sooner or later you will be caught.”
Growing up in Esan, I learned the lesson early: animals are not very bright. In the wild and around our farms, we would set traps for them: antelopes, grasscutter, rabbits. The most important element of our traps was disguise, the purpose being to convince every animal that the location was safe. Sooner or later,an animal would buy the ruse, and be found waiting for you dead or dying.
Traps are a fascinating phenomenon. They have been used throughout time, sometimes with tragic consequences not only for the intended victim, but sometimes for the innocent and for millions.
Speaking of traps, then: Do you remember two months ago, in May 2024, when Wale Edun, Nigeria’s Minister of Finance, was frothing over at the spring meetings of the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank?
Mr. Edun declared: “We have qualified for the processing just this week to the Board of Directors of the World Bank of a total package of $2.25B of what you can call ‘the closest you can get to a free lunch’–virtually a grant. It’s for about 10-20 years moratorium and about one per cent interest.”
It was a dead giveaway that the Minister chose the metaphor of a “free lunch.” Most traps are said to be on offer at lunch, specifically those that are supposedly free.
Following language received from the Nigerian government, the loan was couched in such bait-disguising terms as“financial infusion” and the provision of “immediate financial and technical support for Nigeria’s urgent economic stabilization efforts.”The bank deployed such smoke as“Nigeria Reforms for Economic Stabilisation to Enable Transformation Development Policy Financing Program” and “Nigeria Accelerating Resource Mobilization Reforms Program-for-Results.”
We have been here before. In July 2013, for instance, Minister of Aviation Stella Oduah, at the height of her powers and ahead of her disgrace from office, used similar imagery in describing “easy” Chinese loans Nigeria was getting.“It is free money, so we’re happy.”
President Goodluck Jonathan that month led to China a delegation of ministers, includingFinance Minister Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, seeking loans of about $3B. Ms. Oduah’s statement was in connection with a decision of the China Ex-Im Bank to lend $500m to Nigeria to build four airport terminals: a 20-year loan at a 2 percent interest rate with a 30 percent local content provision.
That sounds just like Mr. Edun today: a package sweetened with a 40-year term, a 10-year moratorium and thatone per cent interest ruse.
Swiftly up the tree then, Hadley Chase’s monkey was eager to get to the eating of that nut, but those who put the nut there are never in a hurry: they know that the monkey might see them coming one mile away, armed with swords and clubs and hammers, but will not flee.
