Fortunately/Unfortunately “love” can happen anywhere, even at the most awkward place. Albeit, death is said to be a respecter of no one; I believe this aptly applies more succinctly to love. Love is love. It can take place or happen to anyone anywhere regardless of their economic, ethnic, social or religious status and/or standard/level in the society. In fact, many who had sworn, based on unpalatable experiences, never to fall in love find themselves flowing in love. Because love is pretty unpredictable.
However, modern man (should I say boys and girls, Gen Z generation) has redefined, described, labelled and/or taken love to mean your immediate desire; based solely on paparazzi, glitz and glamour. Love, today, now means nothing more to anyone regardless of the affectionate desire to having companionship, giving a helping hand and doing charity; love is seen as what is in it for me in lieu of what can I offer. In fact, it has become a commodity that you must negotiate to have your peace intact while falling in and out of love. As such, regardless of your love status, standard or level, I wish for us to reason together on the indissolubility of marriage.
Surely, you will agree with me that what marriage is today is not what it used to be from time immemorial; which begs the question: Is marriage better today? Because, once the love you feel for a partner ends up in marriage you are more or less married for life. One of the viral messages on WhatsApp begs the question by reminding us that: “40 years ago, marriage was easy but divorce was difficult. Nowadays it is difficult to get married but divorce is so easy.” How did we get here today?
Why do we have more divorces these days than marriages? Could social media or civilisation be held responsible or the immaturity of the individuals entering marriage today? If the latter, then, we need to ask the Marriage Counsellors to intensify efforts at ensuring that those who pass out of their classes are mature enough to contract marriage. Nevertheless, one cannot shy away from spousal abuse, which also calls into question the role of families in marriage. Parents should teach their children the core values of patience, forbearance and forgiveness.
Because, as Jesus pointed out to the Pharisees in the Gospel of Matthew (Chp 19: 3-9), the unity and indissolubility of marriage is non-negotiable. They came to Jesus with the reference in Deuteronomy (24: 1-4); relying heavily on the rigorist School Shammai and the Laxists School (followers of Hillel). The former, because of their days, saw indecent dressing as cogent reason for divorce; while the latter saw indecency in “whatever” form as valid reason for divorce. Their concern was NOT even adultery or infidelity to marital vows.
This is why Jesus referred them to the beginning of creation (Mt 19:4) “He said in reply, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’?” The intended purpose of God in marriage is for marriage to be between a man and a woman; not between a man and another man or a woman and another woman. He stated further in verse 5: “and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”.”
Clarifying this passage of scripture, Rev. Fr. Andrew Abiodun Toye of St. Finbar’s College, Akoka (Catholic Archdiocese of Lagos), states that this passage of the Bible (relying mainly on Gen. 2:24) creates “Three Significant Stages of Marriage”, viz:
- Marriage creates the bond between husband and wife which supersedes the ties with one’s parents.
- Total loyalty to one’s spouse in marriage trumping loyalty to one’s parents.
- Unity and indissolubility of marriage occasioned by the couple becoming “one flesh”.
As an addendum, something else happens whenever two becomes “one flesh” in Holy Matrimony. That is, the sacrifice of self-giving. The man who gave up ‘father and mother’ is taken up as the father of the woman he becomes one flesh with. The two, there and then, gave up their parents (father and mother) to become the father and mother of their new home. The man, father to his wife and the woman mother to her husband. Nevertheless, the greatest sacrifice, after their gift of self to one another, is the woman giving up her father to take up her husband, not just as the head of their new home but also, as her new father.
Their patriarchal patrimony must have been the militating factor why the Pharisees would arm themselves with the “whatever” (Mt. 19:3) pretext in the first place. Their original intention was not to discountenance the marriage institution; rather, it was to put Jesus to the “test”. However, the unintended consequence of their action which they never thought of was Jesus strengthening the institution of marriage by affirming its indissoluble unity, based on the mind of the Creator, from the beginning of creation (Mt 19:4).
This is why marriage, in the Catholic Church, is blessed “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness or in health, till death do us part”; and NOT for better or richer, and in health, you stay, for worse or poorer, and in sickness, you go, before death do us part. Because, in the Holy Roman Catholic and Apostolic Church, “they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mt 19:6) (The African Bible, text of The New American Bible).
‘Wagbemiga Mary-Peter Ònífáde
Writer/VOA
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