PUNCH
Across Europe and North America, Nigerian men are increasingly speaking out about a troubling trend: wives using legal loopholes to have them ejected from their homes, gain custody of their children, and even secure immigration benefits. While domestic abuse remains a serious issue, some women allegedly manipulate protective laws meant for genuine victims to punish or control their spouses, writes GODFREY GEORGE
Edith was only 16 when Chukwudubem Eze came for her hand in marriage. Both from neighbouring communities in Imo State, their families had built a strong bond over the years.
“Her father and my father had been friends for more than 20 years. I had always seen her as part of the family since she was born,” said Eze, who was 26 at the time.
Both families welcomed the decision, but Edith’s parents had one condition: Eze must fund her education up to a bachelor’s degree. She had always dreamed of becoming a nurse, and Eze promised to support her.
The young man was already planning a perilous journey through the desert to Europe and felt it necessary to pay Edith’s bride price and move the teenager to his family home before his departure.
“I didn’t touch her, not even once, because my trip was the next month. She was always with my mother, who was teaching her how to cook and be a good wife. She was very beautiful, I must say, but to say that I touched her is a lie,” he stressed.
A few weeks later, he set off on his journey. He travelled by road through several African countries, including Niger and Mali, before arriving in Libya.
Once in Libya, Eze was arrested and imprisoned for two weeks.
“I lost all communication with my family. They kept asking me to pay for my release and call home. I did everything I could, but I barely had anything. Eventually, I was sold into slavery and forced to work for months before the man’s son helped me get to the Mediterranean Sea for the crossing to Italy,” he said.
His journey took a detour, forcing him to pass through Algeria before finally making it to Italy. From there, he moved to Spain and then France, where he sought asylum but was denied.
“While in France, I finally managed to reach Edith and told her everything I had been through. I had contracted tuberculosis, and parts of my lungs were almost destroyed due to overcrowding and the horrific conditions in the Libyan prison.
“Edith prayed for me and told me that her father had passed away. The family was preparing for his burial, which was to take place in four months because he was a titled man. I worked like a camel and sent her money to contribute to the funeral expenses.
“I also paid her school fees and sent her stipends every month. Bear in mind, I did all this as an illegal immigrant. I was constantly afraid of being caught and deported,” he said.
Edith moves to the UK
Edith eventually sat her Senior School Certificate Examinations and expressed her desire to attend nursing school. Eze said he was aware of her plans and was prepared to cover the costs.
“I was sending her money for education so that, even if I was deported, she would have something to fall back on. I really loved this girl. It was in her final year in nursing school that I decided to try my luck at moving to the United Kingdom,” he said.
A friend introduced Eze to an immigration lawyer in France, who claimed it was possible to secure legal entry into the UK, even for his family.
After extensive consultations, the lawyer suggested that Edith, now a qualified nurse, apply to work in the UK. Eze could then join her later.
Eze embraced the idea and shared it with Edith, but she was initially hesitant.
“She insisted I get her a visa to join me in France. She didn’t understand that I was undocumented. Any day, I could be deported. I explained repeatedly, but she wouldn’t listen.
“We proceeded with the UK process without her full enthusiasm. I spent money. I worked four jobs, surviving on only seven hours of sleep a week. I worked at a factory at night, then another during the day. I was paid in cash because of my status, and sometimes, I was short-changed. I couldn’t even complain because they threatened to report me to immigration. I endured all of this until Edith arrived in the United Kingdom.
“A few months later, she invited me to join her. The lawyer instructed me to return to Nigeria first before travelling to the UK legally. I followed the plan.
“It was back in Nigeria that I learnt Edith had a child with another man and had taken the child with her to the UK. I refused to believe it. But to my greatest shock, when I arrived in the UK, there was a four-year-old in the picture. Even my immigration lawyer knew but kept it from me,” he said.
Devastated, Eze spent his first few weeks in the UK embroiled in endless arguments with Edith over her betrayal.
“Remember, I married this girl. I paid her bride price. I did everything the proper way. She even bears my surname. I couldn’t understand how she could do this to me. I called her mother, who admitted they didn’t know how to tell me.
“My own mother had passed away two years before I returned. My father is a reserved man, and I doubt he would have broken the news to me. My siblings tried to hint at it whenever I called, but they weren’t explicit. Even if they had told me, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. The reason I went to the village to find a wife instead of marrying a city girl in Lagos was because I wanted someone decent. I couldn’t believe she had done that to me,” Eze said.
Weeks passed, but the arguments persisted. One night, Edith left the house and didn’t return for two days, leaving the four-year-old in Eze’s care. He was utterly unprepared for the responsibility.
He was still unemployed, as they had yet to arrange childcare—a requirement under UK Child Protection Law. Both parents could not simply leave the child unattended.
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