NEWS WEEK
A woman has asked Mumsnet if she is being unreasonable for being upset after her mother appeared not to want to meet her boyfriend of six months.
User Kilsy explains in the post that both she and her partner are both in their 30s, have no children, no history of bad relationships and have been dating for six months, so there is no reason for her mother to be wary. She also says that “a few close family members and friends have met him and all really like him.”
She describes how her mother lives a few hours away, and was recently coming to stay for the weekend but did not want to meet the OP’s new boyfriend.
“I have excitedly suggested she meet bf for a casual meeting (I have met his whole family a few times now) and she panicked at the idea, said she wasn’t feeling 100% and doesn’t want to this time basically,” Kilsy said.
“I’m hurt” she says, explaining that her mother doesn’t seem interested in her new relationship, “like she isn’t interested in meeting someone who is a key part of my life? I can see the relationship getting very serious and don’t really know how to handle her attitude.”
Newsweek spoke to Ruth E. Freeman, founder and president of Peace at Home Family Solutions about the situation.
“This young woman has every right to be disappointed in her mom’s unwillingness to meet someone so important in her life. At present, it sounds like mom’s reasons for refusing to meet are unclear.
“She may want to start by simply asking mom, ‘Please help me understand why you don’t want to meet him.’ She might also want to let her know, without blame, how her behavior is affecting her: ‘I feel so deeply disappointed. I was really looking forward to you meeting him and hearing your impression of him. You are both very important to me and I hope you can learn to like each other.’
“At the same time, an important source of serenity in our lives is the ability to recognize and accept the limits and true nature of people we love. Each of us has strong ideas about how we want others to behave and treat us, but we have little control over making that happen. When our wishes come up against the actual behavior of other people, our well-being depends on our ability to recognize the limits of how much we can influence them and our ability to accept that reality.”
Most Mumsnet users offered support for the mother, 75 percent thinking that the OP was being unreasonable.
Verdantverdure commented: “She’s coming to see you. Her daughter. Not a stranger.”
AllOfThemWitches agreed: “I think it’s a bit self absorbed to expect others to be super interested in fairly new relationships.”
AnneLovesGilbert disagreed and supported the OP saying: “Seems so odd she panicked. You don’t know why she’s so against meeting him? I’d feel the same as you do. But I’d really want to know her reasons.”
It has not been possible to verify the details of the case.
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