DEAR JANE: I’m torn between two women… the girlfriend I love and the ex who is amazing in bed. So who do I choose? Top author Jane Green gives VERY frank counsel to a man who wants the best of both worlds
By JANE GREEN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
Dear Jane,
I have had an on-and-off girlfriend for a little over two years. I love her tremendously, and she is beautiful. We get along great and have a really great relationship but we are missing a spark – more me I think – and we rarely have sex.
For me that’s the one thing I want to fix and we have tried working on it. Whenever I try to talk to her about things I would like she seems to take it as a personal attack, which it is not. I’m just trying to tell her what it is that I want.
Unfortunately I don’t know exactly what I want, and I think that part of the sexual energy is the allure of not knowing, of what might happen.
She was raised in a very conservative home and hasn’t slept with many people; I believe I have a lot more experience and perhaps might like more ‘experience’ in a lover.
When we broke up for a few months one time, I met someone else. We had great sexual chemistry and generally speaking get along well, but not nearly as well as my girlfriend now.
I recently got a promotion and have to move out of state. My girlfriend changed her mind and decided she wouldn’t be going with me because we are not married. I would happily propose but can’t do it without finding our sexual chemistry.
On the other hand the ‘ex’ has reached out and wants to give it another try and I’m keeping an open mind about that.
In a perfect world, I wish I could combine the two women and it would be perfect. I suppose it’s a good problem to have and I’m very lucky but it’s torture because I don’t want to lose my girlfriend but I can’t keep her to myself if we aren’t having sex.
What advice do you have for me please? Any thoughts?
From, Wanting the Best of Both Worlds
Dear Wanting the Best of Both Worlds,
You can’t have it, I’m afraid.
Whilst I don’t think that great sex is an absolute pre-requisite for a marriage, you do both have to be on the same page, particularly in the beginning. Our needs and wants change throughout a marriage, particularly for women around menopause, but knowing you have different wants and needs while you are still dating, and being unhappy because you rarely have sex, is a terrible foundation for a marriage.
I don’t think either of these women are right for you, and I would take some time to think about why you feel the need to commit at this particular time.
